we invented the remix 5


like a big pizza pie by sola fiamma: the back to space mix by runzu


This was a crazy ride writing, mostly because I needed an idea and I didn't want wreck someone's fic. *laugh* It was amusing though, what with all the subtle cameos and whatnot. I'd like to thank my beta Pen. Thank you so much for your brilliance and patience, especially for helping me out at the last moment. *laugh* You've made me a better writer through this little experience. I'd like to thank Luxshine for inspiring me to write a this AU. I shamelessly borrowed from her fic and I have to say her A.I. is way cooler than mine. *grin* I'd like to thank my friends Ca and Sarah for cheering me on the whole time, though they sort of did distract me sometimes. *laughs* However, the distractions to cheered me up enough to keep me writing, so thank you again. Last but not least, I'd like to thank the lovely Sola Fiamma for writing this in the first place. I loved your fic, it was so good and thanks to you, this is my very first Choey. *grin* I hope you enjoy it.


Chris looked at the illuminated Star Map again, squinting as if that would make a clue jump out at him. He slid a discreet look over to Joey, who was slouching with his legs thrown over the chair's arm, eating a slice of pizza and looking very lickable in his midnight blue space suit with gold piping. He had one silver boot on and his hat on his crotch. The crumbs on Joey's stomach were a nice touch, too.

Must focus, Chris thought, his eyes going back to the map.

He stared at constellations, planets, moons, suns, and star formations for several minutes. They blurred together and Chris couldn't see anything recognizable. It's like the universe decided to throw up right here, Chris thought, looking at the mess that was supposed to be an asteroid belt. He kept his sigh of frustration to himself as he glared at the purple display.

"Are we lost?" Joey asked. He looked charming with a piece of pepperoni stuck in his beard.

"Nope," Chris answered cheerfully.

Joey gave him a dubious look. "Uh huh. And why are we out here again?"

Because everyone except me apparently realized it was our anniversary. Chris vividly remembered his video call JC and the sour expression on his sleepy friend. He would've had coffee sent to JC, but he couldn't find his credit card and he was more interested in what he could do for the anniversary.

Luckily, Lance had been in bed with JC and found his credit card. Lance loved to order everyone coffee, especially his boyfriends. After JC stumbled off screen to get his coffee, Lance had insinuated that Joey was the kind of guy to celebrate anniversaries.

I still don't fully believe it, Chris thought, watching Joey scratch his stomach absently.

"Because Earth is boring." Chris walked over, plucked the pepperoni out of Joey's beard, and then popped it into his mouth. "Besides, we always wanted to go on an adventure anyway, right?"

Joey smiled and pulled Chris down for a kiss. Chris happily lost himself within the slide of lips and the glide of tongue. Humming, Joey pulled Chris into his lap, running an enthusiastic hand over Chris's ass.

Hmm? I wonder is there any more lube around here or do I have to go to the inventory bay? …Wasn't I doing something? Something… important?

"Wait. No, no," Chris mumbled into Joey's mouth, reluctantly pulling away. "I gotta chart our course. I mean, change – redirect it."

"Now?" Joey placed his hands on Chris's hips. "Can't we..?"

Chris was tempted. Very tempted. Chris could practically taste the familiar flavor of Joey's skin. But—

"Mmph, Joe, mmm. No." Chris pulled himself away from Joey's manipulative hands. "Sorry babe, very important business."

Joey groaned in protest and feebly made grabby hands at Chris. Chris evaded the hands that looked strong and intimately knew every inch of his body. All over and—No! Must. Get. Away!

Chris ran out of the room.

Lance's instructions suck, was Chris's first thought. Namely because the directions had to be wrong simply because there wasn't a Woodsy Space Station within fifty million light years of their ship. Chris, fed up with trying to figure out what to do, decided to cheat. He got out his phone and disabled video simply because he didn't want to see Lance's smug face. It would be bad enough hearing Lance's smug voice asking Chris in a faux-clueless tone if they needed help with the directions. The bastard.

Chris dialed the number, waiting for it to connect. After what seemed like forever, Chris looked at the phone in his hand and blinked.

NO SIGNAL, blinked back at him.

"Fuck."

Chris walked back into the domestic area of the ship, and ignored the shirtless Joey to go—

Wait, what?

Chris took several steps back, to watch Joey shake the crumbs out of his jacket. The white tee shirt that Joey was supposed to be wearing was folded neatly over a chair. Chris watched Joey's muscles move fluidly and shine underneath the lights. He continued to watch for a few breathless moments, and then turned away because if he kept this up, he would pounce Joey. That would obviously lead to a staggering amount of sex in various positions, starvation, and continued lostness.

How is sex a bad plan? It wouldn't help finding our way out of here. But it's sex. It's always good. It's a plan that doesn't remedy starvation and lostness. ...Okay. Good point. ...But sex.

Chris hated arguing with himself. He sometimes started speaking aloud and it got a little embarrassing if strangers were around. Joey had luckily known Chris for many, many years, and continued shaking crumbs. Chris walked around, looking out the many windows helpfully placed around the ship. He needed something to distract Joey with. So that he wouldn't ask questions.

Chris looked at the vacant planets, stars, and moons. They were all pretty boring and he knew Joey would get suspicious if Chris tried to show him. Joey knew when Chris was stalling.

"What am I going to do?" Chris whispered to himself, leaning his head against the window.

Chris stood there mourning his trip—and damning Lance—when suddenly an idea occurred to him as he glanced out the porthole. He maximized the ship's shields with a smile.

"...Hey, Joey! Didn't you say you wanted to see an asteroid belt up close?"

Joey's face was pressed against the glass in wonder and Chris tried not laugh, but with Joey ogling everything that floated past, it was hard not to. Chris was convinced that Joey was trying to meld with the window.

"This is so cool," Joey breathed, eyes flickering back and forth.Chris smiled, pleased, and basked in the afterglow of his own super cleverness. When Joey motioned to him, Chris went, grinning helplessly. Joey put an arm around Chris's waist, and slid a hand underneath his shirt. Joey's fingers massaged Chris's stomach gently and Chris sighed, laying his head on Joey's shoulder. He began looking out the window too.

Okay this is... kind of nice. 

"Look!" Joey exclaimed loudly.

Chris squinted, and then saw it. Some random bit of sparkly.

"Wow, that's really pretty," Chris gushed, pressing his face against the glass. "Oh, look there. Not there, there, dumbass. Yeah, that."

A few minutes later, Joey was wrapped around Chris pointing out sparkly or interesting—doesn't that rock formation look like Justin's pouty face?—objects, while they swayed slightly. Besides their gasps of wonder at the cooler aspects of the asteroid belt, there was only the quiet humming of the ship. It was... peaceful.

Chris idly wondered if Joey knew the actual reason they were out in space. He has to know. After all, it was rare for Lance to be wrong, because Lance was an expert at covering his ass. The thing was, even though Joey was Italian, didn't mean he bought into all that stereotypical romance stuff. Did it? Chris rubbed Joey's hands around his waist and Joey kissed his ear before he pointed out something else.Hmm, maybe...

However, Chris wasn't certainly going to bring it up. If Joey could let this go without talking about it, then it was perfectly fine with Chris. If Joe wasn't going to bring it up, why should he?

BEEP BEEP BEEP

Their heads swiveled.

BEEP BEEP BEEP

Joey frowned, but Chris stopped him before he could move. "No, I'll check it out." Joey gave him a suspicious look that Chris quickly dispelled with a thorough kiss. "Be right back."

Joey was too dazed to reply.

BEEP BEEP BEEP

"Wade," Chris sing-songed, hopping into the control chair, "tell me what's shakin', baby."

"What's shakin' is that large area of lard you call a stomach," the A.I. commented snidely.

"I didn't ask you to wiseass me," Chris growled, glaring at the screen. "Besides, Joe likes it fine. Now tell me why your period's leaking."

"It pisses me off when you refer to my warning system that way."

The hologram appeared right beside Chris's chair. He was a blue skinned, tall man. He could almost be called broad shouldered if he weren't so lean bodied. His hair was done up in a ridiculous spiked style and he had a goatee. Chris hated the goatee because it looked just like Joey's. Wade always wore a tee and jeans with sneakers. However, though Wade was pretty damn awesome, he was also arrogant, conceited, and a wiseass. Chris still didn't know why Justin had decided to install this particular A.I.  He thought that perhaps their egos had plenty in common.

A lot, Chris thought, looking at Wade's crossed arms.

"Look, just tell me what's going on."

BOOM

The ship shook violently, making Chris fall out of his chair. He scowled when Wade started laughing.

"I'm sorry—sorry," Wade gasped, his virtual body shuddering from his laughs. "It's just—your face—oh, man."

Chris slowly stood, patience nearly depleted. "Wade."

Wade wiped away a non-existent tear and took a deep breath. "Pirates."

Chris gawked. "What?"

The communications screen flickered and a strange man appeared. He had a serious case of Drunken Bitch Raccoon Eyes (coined by Justin and Lance) and extremely messy dreads. He looked... tipsy."

Oh, oh, um, hello, right," he said, weaving a little. "Hello, I'm Captain Jack Sparrow."

Wade pointed, very unhelpfully in Chris's opinion, to the screen. "Pirates."

Chris liked pirates. They were funny, had great stories, and always brought great whores with them. Even though usually they were on the run from the SAPP, they were really cool people. Besides, it wasn't as though he'd never done any business with them either, and being friends with pirates had its perks. As long you weren't a pirate yourself. Pirates were rarely friends with each other because they were usually competing with each other and sometimes pirated from each other. Chris was a special case for most pirates because he was so likable and he knew how to barter really well. It was how he had gotten most of his exotic possessions—and Justin's rare sneakers.

The problem was, Chris had never seen these pirates before. Chris hated meeting pirates in space.

"Do you have any valuable cargo, friend?" the character on the screen slurred. "Any shiny relics? Or perhaps...rum?" He raised his eyebrows hopefully.

Chris closed his eyes. I must be cursed or something. It was never good fortune to run into pirates you didn't know in space. It was even worse to meet them without anything to barter with. Fuck.

"Actually, no."

Captain Sparrow quirked his eyebrows questioningly. "No?"

Chris swung his arms, whooshing out a breath. "I'm, um, no, this is a anniversary trip." Chris thought it best to stick to the truth as much as possible.That piqued the other man's interest.

"Oh really?"

"Yes, it's a surprise trip, so—"

Jack leaned forward conspiratorially. "—they don't know about it, right?"

Chris nodded and then they started to talk. Jack was amusing and sort of attractive if you liked the wet raccoon look. Chris was slowly charting a hyperspace jump. He made sure that Jack couldn't tell what his fingers were busy doing and distracted him with mindless chatter. Justin often commented how good Chris was for that, the whelp.

"So who's the lucky, gal?" Jack asked.

"Um, CHRIS!!!"  Joey bellowed through the intercom.

Chris swore. "Well, you see—"

Jack wrinkled his nose. "It's not a girl? Hmm, I guess if you like that sort of thing," he mumbled. "By the way, I wouldn't try to hyperspace anywhere right now."

"Wha—"

The ship shuddered again, Wade flickering with an irritated expression. "They have sails. Really good ones. Like namebrand—"

"Shut up, Wade!"

Chris pressed a few buttons and another screen popped up. Chris looked outside and saw another ship. It was huge and completely black. The legendary Black Pearl. Oh fuck, there's no way we can outrun that. They had sails. Electric nets that sapped a ship's energy or damaged the whole thing. This one looked as if it had EMP capabilities too. Shit.

"Look, Mr. Captain Sparrow, I'm good friends with several pirates. This doesn't have to be hostile." Chris still continued preparing for hyper space slyly, and motioned for Wade to help. "I don't have anything to barter right now, but in the future... who knows?"

Joey slid into the room, looking more frightened than pirates warranted. It's not like Joey hasn't hung out with some before.

"Chris, big trouble," Joey panted, bent over. He was still wonderfully shirtless.

"It's just pirates, Joe—"

Joey looked up. "What, no, not that—Oh, hey, Jack!" Joey waved at the screen.

"Oi! Jovial Joe!" Jack started grinning and suddenly another man came into the picture. "Look, Will, it's JJ."

Chris looked between them and decided it was a story for another day. "Joey, what's the problem?"

Joey turned around bemused and then comprehension fell. "Oh yeah, space storm. Asteroids coming this way."

Jack blinked. "Oh well, it was nice meeting you and your companion, Joe," he said quickly. "Um, but we have to go now. Bye."

The man Jack referred to as Will frowned at Jack, but waved enthusiacally. "Shouldn't we help—" The screen blacked out.

"Well, that went well," Wade sighed.

Chris looked at the hologram and Wade faded away. Good call, Wade, Chris thought.

The Black Pearl was gone by the time Chris lowered shields to power up the HSJ. He and Joey strapped themselves in just as a couple of asteroids grazed the ship's shields.

"Oh fuck! Get us the hell out of here, it's hurting me," Wade shouted, in his digitized voice. "Fifty seconds until storm impact. Move your asses."

"Hold onto your tampon, chickie," Chris said, flicking switches and slowly charging the thrusters.

Wade made a rude comment which Chris chose to ignore.

Joey started checking all the ship security and core temperature. Joey's fingers flew over the console at amazing speed and his movements were deft and confident, but his expression was tight with tension. Chris assured that all the thrusters were filled, when he reached over and pinched Joey's wrist. Joey looked over at him with wild eyes and then he smiled tentatively.

"I dig you," Chris mouthed.

Joey laughed and mouthed it back.

"Core temperature normal. Thrusters at one hundred percent. Shields at sixty-five percent. Initiating hyperspace jump." Wade's face appeared on the control screen. "Twenty seconds to hyperspace. Twenty three seconds to storm impact."

"Whoo, shit, that's kind of cutting it close, isn't it?" Joey's voice was shaky and wet. "That's really fucking close." Chris could see the sweat on Joey's brow through his helmet.

"Chill, Joe, everything is going to be all right," Chris said.

"Oh my god," Wade shrilled. "Thruster six is failing. It's needs to be manually pumped."

Chris eyes went wide."Fifteen seconds till hyperspace. Fourteen seconds until storm impact."

Chris glanced at Joey and unbuckled himself. Joey said something, but Chris didn't hear it. He was too busy running.

"Wade, clear a path for me!"Chris ran, doors opening automatically and he blinked the sweat out of his eyes."...nine, eight, seven..."

Chris heard his heartbeat thundering in his ears and he could see his whole life flying through his mind. So many memories. Mostly good, and for that he knew he was pretty lucky. It was also then that he seriously thought about using the L word on Joey. I should tell him.

Chris could see the pump and his hand wrapped around it instantly. Chris pumped like he was laying the dick on Joey after a particularly trying day. Like his life depended on this one moment. Funnily enough, it did.

four

three

two

A tear slid down Chris's face.

zero

"You suck, so much right now."

Chris thought that death sounded a lot like Wade. Which wasn't very surprising.

Suddenly, he was knocked flat by something big and heavy. Chris's helmet clinked against Joey's and he smiled. They said everything that needed to be said by just looking into each other's eyes.

"Okay, you can fuck later," Wade interrupted in his snotty voice. "We're about to crash into a hotel."

Chris couldn't bring himself to feel irritated. He and Joey were too busy giggling like schoolgirls the whole way to the control room, from sheer relief and joy that they were still alive.

They almost crashed into the hotel, but Joey's great maneuvering got them clear. They did have a rough landing at the hotel's ship dock. At which point they were still giggling. However, the stern faces of the staff and security of the hotel sobered them immediately.

"You have five minutes to put some proper clothes on, gentlemen," said the head of security, a tall, black haired man with cold green eyes. "You are to leave all your weapons and illegal substances on your ship. We have much to talk about once you come out."

Chris rolled his eyes and turned to look at Joey. Amusement still lurked in Joey's eyes as he changed into his civilian clothes. Chris thought about the vow to himself that he made during the countdown. He watched Joey shimmy into pants and a wave of terror hit him. Chris changed, anxiety crawling in his gut. I have to tell him. What if something happens again? Chris could never forgive himself if he chickened out.

"Hey Chris?" Joey said softly, from across the room. He looked thoughtful. "I was really fucking scared. Like I totally almost shit myself, oh my god. We were going to fucking die. I just thought about—well, everything. Y'know?"

Chris nodded and sat next to him. "Yeah. I mean, I was here too. I thought about stuff too. But there's no point to dwelling too much. I mean, we survived, didn't we?" He squeezed Joey's hand.

Joey smiled slightly. "But still. Some things shouldn't go unsaid." He gave Chris a significant look.

Chris licked his lips and ignored the urge to run away.

"Chris, I just want you to know—""Excuse me, peasants," Wade said, appearing in the room. "Those hotel cretins are anxious to get their hands on you."

"Wade you have the worst timing, man," Joey deadpanned, his head flopping forward.

Wade only raised an eyebrow, disappearing again.

"I don't care what Justin says, I'm uninstalling this A.I. once we find a replacement." Chris scowled generally at the room. "Where'd he buy it anyway?"

Joey started laughing. "You mean you didn't know?"

"What?"

"Justin designed it himself. Didn't you notice when he started reading all those tomes last year?"

"Lock up for me, sweet-cheeks," Chris told Wade. "Poppa'll be back soon." The elevator hummed to the second level of the ship.

"Do you want me lock you out and leave you here?" the A.I. replied. "I'm sure the Starfield Authority Police Patrol will be happy enough to give you tickets."

"Don't get your bra straps in a twist," Chris said wincing. "Besides, SAPP couldn't capture their owns asses let alone mine. Their arrogance is ridiculous. It's why they hardly capture anyone."

Chris walked past all the music equipment, down to where Joey was at the entrance. He and Joey exchanged smiles before they opened the door.

"You still don't believe us?" Chris said incredulously.

He and Joey were in a small, plain gray room, handcuffed to the table. Chris felt this was an extreme course of action, never mind that he'd bitched one of the guards out and elbowed another in the stomach.

Officer Richardson raised his eyebrows in amusement. "You want me to believe that you two are..." He flipped through papers on his desk. "...Popstars?" He started laughing.

Joey snorted. "Look, we said that we'll pay for the damages, even they don't amount to much," he said coldly.

They had thought that it was a catastrophe, but as it turned out, it had only been the the ship's shields conflicting with the barrier field in the hotel's landing dock. The landing dock's walls were mildly scratched, which was what had enraged the manager. It wasn't Chris and Joey's fault if they decided to put ivory walls inside a hazardous place.

The manager was a tall and lanky black man in a two piece sparkly suit. His hair was shoulder length and silver streaked. He fanned himself dramatically, as if to stop himself crying. "You, you, you man, you messed up my precious ivory walls and I just can't—" He stopped, flamboyant gestures stilled, words drying in his throat

Nothing can stop that platinum silver monstrosity though, Chris thought, eying the manager's clothes.

"Mr. Rhod, don't worry, I'll take care of it," Officer Richardson assured, his green eyes blazing at Chris. "These men will be punished appropriately."

"Look, lemme call Justin," Chris said, feeling as though he needed a big dose of reality. "Then that'll prove to you—"

"Wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute," Mr. Rhod exclaimed, practically sliding over to Chris and Joey. "You know Justin? As in Justin Timberlake?"

Joey and Chris exchanged smirks.

"OH MY GOD, HI MR. TIMBERLAKE! I'm Mr. Ruby Rhod and I'm such a huge fan..."

Chris watched as Justin nearly got smothered by Ruby. It was not only amusing because Justin looked tired as fuck, but also due to Ruby's hot pink crimped hair and matching jumpsuit covered in bells that he changed into when Justin agreed to come. Justin tried to keep to keep his composure, and eventually he managed to fend off the overenthusiastic manager, who stepped back, gloating over his freshly-signed autograph. Justin stomped over to them, the nostrils of his big nose flaring.

"I should deck your asses right here," Justin snarled, eyes narrowing. "I was sleeping! What the fuck, man?"

Chris had no sympathy for him. "This is all your fault and Lance's. Oh, and JC too, because Lance is his boyfriend, so it's damnation by association." He crossed his arms.

"What?"

"Oh hey, Justin!"Justin turned and immediately smiled at the bald man standing next to Ruby. "Korben! Korben Dallas! And oh, hey Leeloo!" A woman appeared beside the bald man, her hair a fiery red color.

Justin went immediately to greet them, and tossed over his shoulder, "It's Lance's fault because he said he thought you should do this for y'all's anniversary. Lance is always right."

Chris turned to flee, when Joey caught his shoulder in a strong grip. "Wait, you and me have to have a discussion." His eyes were serious and little bit angry.

Chris let his head drop in defeat. Ruby helpfully appointed a bellhop to show them to their room.

Fuck.

Chris didn't last a minute against the onslaught of Joey's stony silence. He told Joe everything, from the conversation he and Justin had to scheming with Lance. Even with everything off of his chest, Chris knew it was still Lance's fault. Everything.

"I know what you're thinking, and it's not." Joey sat down next to him on the bed. "It's your fault."

Chris's mouth gaped like a flopping fish. "What?" was all he could say.

Joey gave him a disbelieving look. "You could've talked to me about it. Besides, it's not even our anniversary yet."

Chris frowned. "Yeah, it is. I mean, yes, it is, I mean we—well, around this time—"

Joey stopped him, looking as if he were about to get really mad. "You mean when we—I know you aren't talking about when we first screwed, are you?"

"Look, I was informed of this and—Ouch!" Joey had cuffed him, Chris gave him a annoyed glare and smacked his arm. "Hey! It's not my fault."

"You're supposed to—You know what? Never mind. I've been trying to get into your pants for all of twenty four hours and then some." Joey dimmed the room's lights.

Chris looked around and raised his eyebrows. Joey sat down on the bed and brushed a hand over his face softly. Chris's lips twitched, but Joey just slowly drew his tongue over them, humming some familiar tune. He then tugged on the zipper of Chris's shirt, using his other to brush through Chris's short hair. Chris opened his mouth, letting Joey's tongue slide in and slid his hand up Joey's cotton shirt. They were kissing when Chris joined Joey in humming.

Clothes fell to the floor a few minutes later as Chris fought to keep himself from rushing. It had been a while since he and Joey had had undisturbed sex without rushing and fumbling. We finally get to take our time, Chris thought, drawing his fingers across Joey's inner thigh. Joey, however, had other plans. He started leaving soft, tender kisses over Chris's face, neck, and shoulders. Chris was touched.

"...When the light hits your eye, like a pizza pie..." Joey mumbled, sliding back onto the bed and pulling Chris down on top of him. "...That's..." He gives Chris a heated look.

"That's amore," Chris finished, digging around in the nightstand. "Dum dum dum, dum dum dum, hmm hmm hmm, hmm hmm hmm, that's amore..." He found the tube of lubrication and popped the cap with a flick of his thumb.

Suddenly, Joey started snickering. "You don't know the words?"

Chris ignored him and spread lube on his fingers, sliding them inside Joey. Licking the side of Joey's neck, Chris smirked hearing Joey's breath catch. He twisted his fingers just so and Joey jerked, eyes rolling and blinking rapidly. Chris slid his fingers out, wrapping his hand around Joey's cock and positioned himself at Joey's entrance.

"Chris?" Joey's voice was a soft pant. "I love you, so much, dude."

Chris trembled, sliding in and enjoying the feel of Joey surrounding him. Joey smirked up at him, bringing Chris down for a kiss and whispered endearments against Chris's lips.

"You love all this emotional shit, don't lie," Joey whispered, eyes hazy with lust and amusement. "All this mushy gushy talk is—"

Chris gave a sharp thrust. "Well, that's amore, babe." He then proceeded to encourage Joey to make incoherent sounds.

They were finished, lazing about in the moonlight, well spent. Chris knew he'd probably be sore the next day, but he didn't care. It was well worth it, especially with Joey wrapped around him so that their legs were intertwined.

"Joey..."

"Yeah?"

"When is our, um, anniversary?"

Joey snorted. "December thirtieth."

"Really?"

"Try to remember what you said to me."

Joey sounded like he would be pissed if Chris didn't remember and Chris didn't want to be kicked out of bed, so. "Um... Oh, yeah. I asked were we a thing." The memory comes back, clear and bright.

Joey hummed pleased. "That's right." He pressed a kiss to Chris's chest.

"Well... doesn't Lance know our anniversary?"

"Of course, Lance knows."

"But Lance..."

They both freeze and then look at each other. "He is so deceased," they said simultaneously.

Chris thought of all the wondrous and horrible things he could do Lance when he got a chance. "We don't need a bass anyway." Then he paused in thought. "You think Officer Richardson would like to be in a boyband?"


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